Something that is very debatable, the
question of if there is the positive side of depression.
Personally I am conflicted about any
positive effect of me having depression, quite simply I hate it, I
hate the fact it has blighted the majority of my life, I hate seeing
the truly awful effects of it in other people, I hate the fact it
exists.
That said the last two years I have
thought about who I am, the experiences I’ve had and the type of
person I will be in the future and have reluctantly questioned
whether depression has been a solely negative presence in my life
thus far.
Resilience, anyone who survives
depression (especially those who survive alone, for whatever reason)
needs plenty of this trait, I believe I have a lot of this and is in
small part due to suffering from this illness for over a decade, it
is difficult to do the 'normal' routines of life and takes a huge
effort to do so especially when the depression is severe you struggle
to simply get out of bed let alone do anything else like going to
work or doing the shopping or the chores around the place.
Over time I slowly developed the
resilience to do things I needed/wanted to do without realising it,
although resilience alone isn't enough as (if nothing changes in your
life for the better) you will reach the point when it all becomes too
much to endure.
Empathy, although this is not apply to
everyone, depression is unfortunately common I would say I have at
times in my life been surrounded by people who also had depression,
where I lived, where I worked and what few friends I had. So I
learned I could often gauge through my own experience who was
struggling, who was subdued, who had things on their minds, etc. a
lot of these people did end up talking to me about how they felt,
what was bothering them as I said to them I knew it was like to feel
or think in a certain way (not for the same reasons usually) and they
were relieved and/or shocked that someone else could relate to them
and actually cared enough to do so.
My desire to be a mental health
professional stems from my experiences of mental health, so the
constant theme in my head is without depression I would not be who I
am now and who I will be in the future, so maybe having depression
can be a positive in some aspects although i would say the cost is very steep.
I haven't fully accepted it though, one
of my fears is being defined by my mental health issues and what I
have put above adds more weight to the definition, then again if it
is the case what have I to fear exactly? Stigmatization? That has
happened to me anyway and will probably happen again, perhaps I
should simply dismiss the notion of definition whether it is from
myself or others.
Saturday 28th January the journey continues.
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