Saturday, 19 May 2012

My thoughts: Men should (and do) cry.

I certainly do, in fact I cried a bit recently as it seems I’m still grieving for the loss of my relationships with Kelly and her daughter Mari, I cried for around 5 minutes letting out the feelings out into the open although only the two cats in my flat were there to see it, the female one rushing upto me to try and comfort me, bless her.

The culture of the UK is a bizarre one when it comes to teaching the expressing of emotions, females are allowed to (in fact its expected I find, I’ve heard a few times throughout my life about some being judged as “uncaring” or “summat wrong with her” if they don't) males on the other hand showing their feelings is supposed to be a sign of weakness and being unmanly.

Now as human beings we are emotional creatures, its not intellect that drives us, intellect is merely a tool for defining and refining our feelings and experiences whether your male or female.

A real man is strong A real man doesn't cry, doesn't moan, doesn't complain, A real man is macho; a real man is tough; a real man doesn't show emotions. A real man is the backbone of his family and doesn't have time to be weak, big boys don't cry“

Just some of the things that supposedly define what a “real man” is according to some people. I've come to the conclusion that the real reason some subscribe to this is because its easier than actually having to deal with the why of a situation as well as listening to the upsetting sound of someone crying because they are in pain.

Its the same when people respond with “pull yourself together, stop feeling sorry for yourself, there are others worse off than you” etc. etc. Dealing with our and others expressions of emotions can be fraught with difficulty and so its easier to simply dismiss or trivialise these expressions instead of making the effort to understand.

I have come across the claim the female brain is wired differently and this is why they express their emotions more than males, assuming this is true (I’m not convinced myself but I will at some point check it out for clarification) then there is a fatal flaw with the claim...males have the capacity to express how they are feeling and they can cry as well, now maybe females in general due to how their brains are wired and cultural expectations do express how they are feeling and cry more often (at least publicly, I imagine many males out there cry behind closed doors). Besides our biology only forms the fundamental basis of our existence, it certainly cannot account for our behaviour alone.

The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is Winston Churchill.

The truth is males can and do cry, crying is not a sign of weakness, it is not a insincere plea for attention, all it is is someone who is in pain and distress and this a response to those emotional states, crying is a truthful act of how we feel at that moment (and how we may have felt for some time).

Others saying that a male shouldn't cry because he is male, well that’s their mistake/ignorance which is their problem no one else's and is not a reason for those in emotional turmoil to have to hide how they feel.

19th May the journey continues.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Going through the motions, nothing to see here.

Well I submitted my final assignment for my latest course on the morning of the 8th and will get the result in around three months or so (three months...the Open University really should look to work on that, imagine waiting three months and being told you haven't passed....) I am registered for the next course which will begin this October but until then I don't have a lot to do in the meantime.

Only the basic things, eating, sleeping, washing and cleaning, doing the odd bit of shopping, signing on every fortnight and providing my written record of job searches and the odd application to an employer (who will just ignore me or give a insincere acknowledgement and thanks for my application) is required for now.

In a month or so I will be referred to a 'back to work programme' as I have been on job-seekers allowance for 12 months. It seems there are two welfare to work providers in my region, A4e and Ingeus, I certainly won't be going to A4e given how untrustworthy this company is and as I see my personal advisor soon I will be making that clear to her and if necessary the DWP in general.

Other than that i'm waiting for something to happen.

11th May the journey continues.