This scene struck quite a feeling
within myself given where i am currently;
Let me tell you something you
already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very
mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat
you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You,
me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how
hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep
moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's
how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth
then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be
willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't
where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do
that and that ain't you! You're better than that!
The underlined bits highlight what is
most relevant to me. At the moment i feel as though i'm taking hits,
being made unemployed again (okay i said i was relieved when the job
came to an end but its still not a great feeling), feeling isolated
from my closest friends, the night terrors which occur from time to
time, all added to the depressive episode it can often feel like i'm
taking a beating psychologically.
My CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)
appointment is today it will be interesting to see
if and how much of an impact it will have, bearing in mind I am only
receiving a handful of these appointments whatever has be done will
need to be done quickly, I had previously gone through a group
psychotherapy course so if nothing else it will be intriguing to note
the differences between the school of thoughts.
No doubt I will be
asked what I would like to get out of the appointments I will have,
honestly I just don't know, how do you set a goal on dealing with
night terrors? The cause isn't clear, the triggers themselves are
pretty vague, stress is one but then I’m not always stressed when
they occur, I’m not always depressed, anxious, sad, whatever and I
haven't watched any zombie films or tv series lately to explain away
why I have dreams of crowds of people trying to lynch me (they are
not zombies either).
So ain't going to
have much time to establish something to help at the very least to
reduce the frequency of the terrors, then again the frequency is
random as well, I can go months without them before I suddenly end up
getting at its worst at least one a night. I wonder though if night
terrors is even an appropriate term anymore considering I had one
lately that occurred during daytime...
I'll probably write
a quick post on how the appointment goes later on today (its 3:30 in
the morning, I can't sleep so just casually browsing the net and
watching Rocky Balboa) now as Rocky said earlier;
Keep moving forward.
Wednesday 22th
May 2013 the journey continues.
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