Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Day 119 of depressive episode My Thoughts: Keep moving forward.

This scene struck quite a feeling within myself given where i am currently;

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!

The underlined bits highlight what is most relevant to me. At the moment i feel as though i'm taking hits, being made unemployed again (okay i said i was relieved when the job came to an end but its still not a great feeling), feeling isolated from my closest friends, the night terrors which occur from time to time, all added to the depressive episode it can often feel like i'm taking a beating psychologically.

My CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) appointment is today it will be interesting to see if and how much of an impact it will have, bearing in mind I am only receiving a handful of these appointments whatever has be done will need to be done quickly, I had previously gone through a group psychotherapy course so if nothing else it will be intriguing to note the differences between the school of thoughts.

No doubt I will be asked what I would like to get out of the appointments I will have, honestly I just don't know, how do you set a goal on dealing with night terrors? The cause isn't clear, the triggers themselves are pretty vague, stress is one but then I’m not always stressed when they occur, I’m not always depressed, anxious, sad, whatever and I haven't watched any zombie films or tv series lately to explain away why I have dreams of crowds of people trying to lynch me (they are not zombies either).

So ain't going to have much time to establish something to help at the very least to reduce the frequency of the terrors, then again the frequency is random as well, I can go months without them before I suddenly end up getting at its worst at least one a night. I wonder though if night terrors is even an appropriate term anymore considering I had one lately that occurred during daytime...

I'll probably write a quick post on how the appointment goes later on today (its 3:30 in the morning, I can't sleep so just casually browsing the net and watching Rocky Balboa) now as Rocky said earlier;

Keep moving forward.

Wednesday 22th May 2013 the journey continues.

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