Thursday, 30 May 2013

Day 127 of depressive episode My Thoughts: The first two appointments

Not much to say from these which is a concern considering the limited amount of appointments i have for this therapy. The first one is as you might expect is an introduction and a general overview of what you are going through, the second appointment though was pretty a waste of fucking time.

My appointment time was 12:30, i got to the bus stop at 11:25, expecting a bus to turn up at or around did not show up until 12:03, now as the journey into the city centre can take upto 20-30 minutes and on top of that its a 20 minute walk from the centre to where this therapy place is, so thanks to Trent Barton i was going to be late.

I called the place to say i was running late, the receptionist informed me that if i was more than 15 minutes late the therapist may not see me. So the challenge is on, i gotta get to this place by 12:45 at the latest, lets face it i don't have enough of a challenge as it is, dealing with the anxiety of wondering whats going to happen in the therapy session in addition to going right past Kelly's place on the way.

Finally the bus gets me into the centre at 12:30...12:30, ridiculous. So after much forced speed marching and jogging (with inflamed lungs making breathing extremely difficult, my lower legs went numb and my hamstrings felt as though they were going to snap) i made to this place by 12:44. The therapist comes in and says there is no point doing the appointment as there won't be enough time for him to cover everything he wants to, now if i wasn't so busy trying to get my breathing and heart rate under control i'd said 'you got be fucking kidding me, i've just about killed myself getting here'.

In the end he saw me for a few minutes I think out of appreciation for the fact I had rushed to get to there asap, after asking a few times if i wanted a drink of water he told me the therapy would be focused on the trauma of me being mugged (and a few attempted muggings) years ago, he reckons its these that are the root cause of the night terrors. He also gave this thing to look up over the internet 'Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing' (EMDR) which I’ll go into in a bit.

That was basically it, I wasn't happy I rushed to get there for all of a few minutes, the next appointment is in another two weeks, I walked back, it was pissing it down with rain and I wonder why I bother at times.

Now for this EMDR, copied from Wiki;

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro, which emphasizes disturbing memories as the cause of psychopathology [1][2] and alleviates the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). EMDR is used for individuals who have experienced severe trauma which remains unresolved.[3] According to Shapiro, when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm normal cognitive and neurological coping mechanisms. The memory and associated stimuli are inadequately processed, and stored in an isolated memory network.[4] The goal of EMDR therapy is to process these distressing memories, reducing their lingering effects and allowing clients to develop more adaptive coping mechanisms. This is done by having clients recall traumas while following the therapist's hand movement.[5] The use of EMDR was originally developed to treat adults suffering from PTSD, however, it is also used to treat children.[6]
Just to be clear, the therapist is not saying I have PTSD (well he said I don't have 'full blown PTSD' whatever that means), I most certainly do not. I hadn't heard of this before so I learned about something new, I imagine the therapist will want to try this treatment and I have have no issue with doing so, some studies have shown some positive results and has the added benefit with having no negative side effects.

Bearing in mind its a CBT therapist I am seeing its interesting to see he's using a treatment from the psychotherapy side of things. Not overly keen on accessing the disturbing memories I got in here but if it helps to lessen the impact of these night terrors then its got be done.

30th May 2013 the journey continues.

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